


Make Me A Bird

by MidnightQuestant



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 50s - 80s, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Earth, Alternate Universe - Historical, Brain Damage, Coming of Age, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Keith has a southern accent, Loosely Inspired By Forrest Gump but not an AU, M/M, Past Sexual Abuse, Period-Typical Homophobia, Period-Typical Racism, Recreational Drug Use, Suicide, Vietnam War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-10-29 16:24:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10857705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidnightQuestant/pseuds/MidnightQuestant
Summary: Lance Ortiz, now 35 years old and recovering from a car accident that gave him severe brain damage, recollects everything he can about Keith Dae, his best friend from the start.(on hiatus until further notice since 25 Aug 17)





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> This is quite possibly one of the heaviest fan fictions I have published to date, so just be aware of that before you begin reading. If there is anything I feel I need to particularly warn you about (despite the tag warnings and ratings) then I will do so. I hope you enjoy.

**June 1985**

“Mr. Ortiz, you do understand that your friend, Mr. Dae is dead, correct?” The lady in the chair asked Lance. He moved his arms around a little as he nodded.

  
“Of course, I do. He was a very important person to me. I’m honouring him by not moping around.” Lance replied. His brain had been in disarray for weeks now, but he would never let something that serious slip.

“Well, he committed suicide the same night you got in that car accident. We want you to tell us about him. As much as you can remember.” She said.

“Oh, I can remember so much about Keith. It’s funny how I forget so much, but I remember so much about him.” Lance muttered, laughing just a little.

And, thus, he started.

“We met during second grade.”

∰∰∰

**January 1958**

Lance rolled his pencil over his desk, short legs kicking under the table. His Mamá always dropped him off so early. She and Papá had to go to work. He wished she would have stayed a little longer, like the other parents had, but she worked for this nice family up in the fancy part of town. She had to get there very early, so she couldn’t. She gave Lance a kiss on the cheek and left. She had to take the bus, so Lance watched out the window as she sat on the bench, reading a magazine.

At some point after his Mamá left, other kids started showing up. They just kept flooding in and never stopping. Some kids had to share desks, but no one wanted to share with Lance. His Mamá said it was because he was so special that they felt small, but Lance was sure it was because he wasn’t a white boy. He was a Spanish boy instead.

School was about to start when a teenage boy ran in with a smaller boy.

“Sorry we’re late, ma’am. He’s here. He can introduce himself, I have to get to school.” The boy said, running off. The teacher gave him a mean look as he sped off and looked the small boy up and down.

“Well, aren’t you going to take a seat?” She said. She seemed clipped, but she knew she had to be nice or parents would complain. Lance couldn’t see the boy’s face, but he could see the teacher’s. She looked stiff and uncomfortable.

Lance understood why once the boy turned to try and find a place to sit. He was obviously Asian. Lance didn’t know where he was from, but he wasn’t white. Kids looked away from him and said they didn’t have any space. Lance was the last one he walked up to, as he was the last one in class.

“You’re my last shot. Can I sit by you, or can’t I?” The boy said. Lance noticed how he had a thick southern accent as he moved over to let the boy sit down. “What’s your name?”

“I’m Lance. Lance Ortiz. What about you?” Lance replied.

“Keith Dae. I have my Mama’s last name.” The boy, Keith, said. Then, he turned to the teacher. She seemed pleased that Keith had sat in the back as she smoothed her dress and began class.

Lance found that Keith was a very smart one. He didn’t raise his hand, but as Lance was looking over at his slate, he saw that every answer had been correct. Lance didn’t understand things like English that well, but he wasn’t bad at Math and Science. Still, Keith put him to shame.

When recess let out, Lance was so used to staying inside. The other children didn’t like it when he went outside, and they’d take all the swings and wouldn’t let him play. Today, Keith dragged him out. It was Lance’s first time since he was in kindergarten that someone wanted to play with him.

“I wanna play a game with you. It’s called Shadow Tag. You gotta try and catch my shadow with your feet and then I gotta catch yours.” Keith explained. “It’s noon, so it’s gonna be real hard.”

“Okay.” Lance mumbled. Keith counted to three and began running across the pavement. Lance chased after him, trying to stamp his feet on Keith’s pesky little shadow. It wasn’t fair that Keith was shorter than Lance was, but he wasn’t going to complain. He got Keith’s shadow after a few minutes of running.

“Now I gotta catch your shadow.” He huffed. “So start runnin’.”

And Lance did. He started sprinting with Keith hot on his tail. He was only a few inches away from catching Lance’s shadow when he fell over. He scraped his legs up badly, and the other kids were laughing at him.

“What’re you laughin’ at?” He yelled, but that just made the other kids laugh louder. Lance felt bad, but he was scared of these kids. He’d been beaten up by them on multiple occasions.

“You can’t run on those skinny little legs. You look like a chicken.” One of them, a boy named Adrien, said. Keith let out a small growl before standing up.

“Chickens can run real fast. My aunt has some. I’ve tried to catch ‘em, but they’re quick. My cousin says I’m near about as fast as they are.” Keith retorted.

“Chickens are what I eat for dinner. You want to be next?” Adrien grumbled. Keith stood his ground, however, looking back at the other with an equally vicious look.

And then the brawl started. It was a blur of Keith with his bloody knees and Adrien with his cooked collar. The teacher had to come break them apart, but was obviously more concerned with Adrien. Then, most likely to save face, she guided Keith to the nurse to get his knees cleaned up. She came back, dusting her hands off on each other.

Lance met back up with Keith after school.

“Hey, can I walk with you?” He questioned.

“Where do you live?” Keith asked.

“I live on the south side of Tampa. What about you?” Lance answered. He shifted his books around in his pack.

“I live down the west side. My Aunt Aya has got a nice little backyard with flowerbeds and an old tire swing from when my cousin was little. She raises her chickens out there.” Keith said. Lance was stunned.

“You walk that far? That’s all the way on the other side!” He exclaimed.

“Well, in the mornin’ my cousin’s supposed to drive me in his car. He got one off of the neighbour. He treats it like it’s his baby.” Keith said. “But, I like cars, too, so I can’t say too much. It’s a 1940 Plymouth.”

Lance didn’t know much about cars. He liked planes much more. He wanted to be pilot when he got older and fly way up high where even the birds didn’t go. He wanted to go over the clouds. His Mamá said he might even find God.

“I like planes. My older brother, Hector, flies planes. He has this one plane called a P-51 Mustang. He got it painted blue because that’s my favourite colour. He calls it the ‘Azul Cielo’.” Lance said.

“What’s that mean?” Keith asked, perplexed.

“It means Blue Heaven. He flies it everywhere and sometimes he drives me out to the airfield so I can come watch him fly.” Lance smiled broadly.

They quickly reached Lance’s house, where Keith said goodbye.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, right? It’d be a shame not to see you again.” He said. Lance nodded. Keith waved and started running off down the street. Lance wondered how fast those chickens were if Keith wasn’t quite as fast as they are, because he sped down like he was an Olympic runner.

“Mamá! Volví!” Lance called. He was met by his sister, Camilla. She was wearing a nice dress and was halfway through putting some earrings in her ears. She looked very grown up that way.

“Hello, Lance. Did you have a good day at school?” She asked, pacing the floor.

“Yes. I made a new friend. His name is Keith and he talks funny. The teacher doesn’t like him because he’s Asian.” Lance replied. “He likes cars and taught me how to play Shadow Tag.”

“How does he talk funny?” Camilla furthered the conversation as she straightened her dress in a mirror.

“He says things like ‘near about’ and ‘ain’t’ a lot.” He answered her.

“That’s just his way of talking. There’s no reason to call it funny.” She chided him.

“What are you getting all dressed up for?” Lance asked. She was wearing her favourite purple dress with a white collar and the fancy black pumps Mamá had gotten her for special occasions. She also had some makeup on, which she definitely ransacked from Mamá's bags.

“It’s a secret. Anton will be home with Axel and Victoria soon. Can you stay here until then and not destroy the house? I’ll buy you some candy while I’m out.” Camilla said. Lance nodded, going off to settle on the couch as his sister gathered up her purse and left. They didn’t have a TV since it was too much money, but they had a radio. That’s how they got their news.

Lance was always one to have to be forced to do homework. He wasn’t going to do it until Anton shoved him a chair and made him do it. He’d much rather work on painting his model plane he got for his birthday. It wasn’t shaped the same way, but he was trying to paint it like the Azul Cielo. That way, Lance would have his own plane.

Anton showed up halfway through the point where Lance was painting the white lines on the wings. He was shoved by his brother in order to get his attention, which ruined the line. Lance fumed.

“Anton, look what you made me do!” He whined. He had worked so hard on getting his plane perfect. “The line is all messed up.”

“Just paint blue over it. You have to do your homework anyways.” Anton argued, setting Lance’s reading and math books in front of him.

“But it won’t be the same! The white will seep through the blue and look strange. You know how strong our white paint is.” Lance huffed.

“Get over it and do your homework.” Anton said, grabbing the model from Lance’s hands and taking it away. Lance chased after him and watched in horror as the plane was put into the cupboard and while the door shut over it. Lance stuck his tongue out, hitting Anton’s leg, before stalking back over to the table and opening his books. He heard Anton sigh in annoyance before he pulled out his own books and startedon his homework.

After Lance finally finished, he looked over at Anton expectantly.

“What?”

“Get my plane out of the cupboard.” Lance ordered. His brother rolled his eyes and went over, getting the toy out. Lance took it with a mean look at his brother. He went to the bedroom he shared with both of his brothers and Hector when he was staying with them. It was cramped, with three small beds pushed against the wall. There were clothes everywhere and baseball bats leaning on the wall. The ceiling next to the window (where Lance insisted he had to have his bed) had other models hanging from the ceiling with old hanger wires.

Lance set the plane on his bed, then going back down to get the jars of paint from the table. He took them up to his room, trying to avoid Anton, who would get angry if he found a single drop of paint on his things. Lance figured it had something to do with being older. Anton said it was because they weren’t going to be able to afford anything else. Lance didn’t believe him. Mamá and Papá always said they would make sure they could get what they needed and if Anton needed a new shirt, Lance was sure they could get it. They would just have to give up a few food items is all. It wouldn’t be the first time.

Lance went to work on repainting his plane. He was still fuming about the fact that Anton had messed up his work. It looked very nice, too. He took the blue paint, lathering it onto the white line he had already made. He inwardly cringed at the way the white showed through. He started adding more layers. Soon, he had very little blue paint left, so he started with the white line. He was very steady as he pulled the paintbrush across the wings of the toy. He smiled in satisfaction when they line looked smooth and straight. He set the model on the windowsill of his window. He would paint the propellers red when it was dried.

Mamá and Papá arrived home during the night, even after Camilla got home. She got him the candy, as promised. She was his favourite sibling after Hector. Mamá and Papá didn’t even ask why she was dressed so nicely.

“Lance, mijo, how was your day?” Mamá asked, pulling out a cigarette from her purse and lighting it by an open window.

“It was good. There’s a new boy in my class named Keith. We sit next to each other and I think we’re friends.” Lance said, going to sit on a chair next to his mother. Papá was busy with something else, muttering some curses under his breath. He was looking at some papers. Lance was never allowed to know what was on those papers and why Papá hated them so much.

“Well, what is Keith like?” Mamá asked with a smile. She put out her cigarette and pulled Lance into her lap. He was always light enough for her to do that.

“He says a lot of strange stuff like ‘or can’t I’ and ‘ain’t’. No one here really says that stuff.” He said. “He likes cars and lives on a farm with his aunt and cousin. There might be more, I don’t know.”

“He sounds nice. I’m glad you’re making friends.” Mamá gave Lance a kiss on the head.

Lance was sent off at some point to allow Mamá to make dinner. She considered making Lance’s favourite, Arroz con Pollo, in celebration of Lance making his first friend, but his father intensely protested, saying they should save it for a more important occasion, like Lance’s birthday, which would be there until late April.

Lance went off to the living room after his parents started getting into another dispute, arguing rapidly with each other. He hated it when they did that, but he knew deep down that they loved each other. They were just temperamental people. Lance and his siblings often made them mad with their bickering, but they just had to be good for a few hours to reverse the damage. They’d made Lance cry a few times, but it was okay. They never meant it and would always come apologise eventually.

  
Lance wondered what Keith’s family was like.


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: past child sexual abuse (not graphic)

**June 1985**

“Now, you see, Keith and I became best friends. We’d run around on the ports together and play even more Shadow Tag. At some point he started to come over to my house. My family loved him.” Lance explained. “I told him all about my life. About how my Papá worked in those factories and how my Mamá worked as a housekeeper. But, Keith never told me about his family until I asked.”

“Do you think his family had something to do with his suicide?” The lady questioned.

“Oh, no, if they did it would have happened long before now.”

  


∰∰∰

  


**July 1959**

“Hey, Keith?” Lace called as the sped away from the docks.

“What?” Keith called back. He slowed down as they ran into the park.

“You want to come over to my house tonight? If my Mamá doesn’t have enough food to feed you, you can always have some of mine. Maybe Camilla will be staying with her boyfriend again and you can have hers.” Lance said. Keith nodded with a ‘sure’.

So, they started down to Lance’s house.

“Mamá. I brought Keith with me, can he stay over?” Lance called loudly. Keith walked behind him, shutting the door and putting his hands behind his back.

“Of course, mijo, it’s always nice to have Keith over.” Mamá said. She came out of the kitchen, giving Lance a hug and then giving Keith a small pat on his head. “Keith, are you going to be here for dinner.”

“Yes, ma’am. I’m gonna need your phone, though, if you don’t mind. I gotta call my Aunt Aya and tell her where I am.” Keith replied. Mamá smiled, bringing Keith over to the rotary on the living room table. She left Keith once he started to put his aunt’s phone number in.

Mamá went back to the kitchen, making Lance follow her so he wouldn’t snoop. He’d been known to listen in on conversations he wasn’t supposed to listen to. He had gotten into some serious trouble with what Mamá called his ‘sneaky ear’.

Keith walked into the kitchen after a few minutes had passed. He told Mamá that his Aunt Aya had said it was okay but to make sure he was headed off home before noon the next day. He said it was because he had some work to do with the chickens. They were laying eggs like crazy and a few were hatching.

The two boys ran up to Lance’s bedroom. Anton had moved out, so it was just him and Axel, but his younger brother was with Papá at baseball practise. He wouldn’t be home until the sun was gone.

“Hey, Keith, I’ve told you all about my family, but you never tell me a thing about yours. Where are you from? You’re definitely not from Florida.” Lance said, getting up on his bed, Keith following suit. They were both getting taller and had to dodge Lance’s collection of model planes. His copy of the Azul Cielo had been finished and was hanging proudly in the centre with some good wire.

“Well, I’m from Eufaula. It’s a tiny little town in Alabama. It’s full of old ladies, but they were all nice. I lived there with my Daddy for a while.” Keith said.

“Is that why you talk the way you do?”

“Yep, everyone there talks like this unless they came from someplace else.”

“What was your Daddy like?” Lance asked. That question made Keith squirm a little, but he answered anyways.

“My Daddy wasn’t too kind. He seemed nice when I was with him, but now I know that he wasn’t. He was always kissin’ all up on me. He’d always be touchin’ me, too. I know it made me feel real dirty, but he always said it was okay. I used to pray to God about it, but it took so long for Him to actually do anythin’.” Keith said.

“What did you say to God?” Lance questioned.

“I prayed to Him the same way my Mama did. She would always say ‘Dear God, make me a bird, so I can fly far, far away from here’, and then He did make her a bird and let her fly all up to Heaven. I said the same thing, but I guess I was too little for Heaven, because He sent the police to my house instead.” Keith explained. “The police took my Daddy away and brought me all the way down here to come live with my Aunt Aya and Shiro.”

Lance didn’t know why a father holding their child was wrong, but apparently it was so bad that God sent the police there. He guessed he’d never know. It wasn’t his place.

“Do you ever think about going back to Eufaula?” Lance asked.

“Well, I miss my Daddy, but I don’t know if I ever want to see him again. He sends me letters sometimes, but Aunt Aya doesn’t let me see them. She reads ‘em, but then she rips ‘em up and throws ‘em away. She starts cryin’ and says I shouldn’t ever reply to him. Even the letter I got for my birthday.” He said. Lance would be so mad if his family members ripped up his birthday letters, so he found it curious that Keith seemed so okay with it. Lance guessed it had something to do with his Daddy.

Then, Mamá called them down for dinner. Lance hopped off the bed, but Keith grabbed his arm before he could speed out the room.

“You can’t tell anyone about that. It’s a secret.” He said. “If you tell the secret, then bad stuff’ll happen. The police might come and take me away to go live with somebody else.”

Lance nodded before his arm was released. Keith yelled ‘Race you!’ as he sped through the house. Lance lost, but he wasn’t the one who collided with Axel, knocking them both over. Keith apologised, but he seemed more hurt. He had smacked his head on the floor but Axel had just fallen on his back.

“You need to cut your hair, chico. You can’t see anything.” Papá said, giving Keith’s hair a firm ruffle.

“I don’t wanna cut my hair, Mr. Julio. Aunt Aya ain’t good at it.” Keith said, straightening his hair back out to the way it was.

“You need to get it cut sometime.” Papá replied. “Go to the barber’s.”

“They won’t take Aunt Aya’s money. I’ll see if I can get Shiro’s girlfriend to do it. She wants to go to hair cuttin’ school. She’s been stayin’ with us since Shiro went off with the army.” Keith said. Papá nodded with a smile, going to the kitchen. Mamá was setting bowls down on the table. There was one for Papá, Lance, Keith, Axel and Victoria, but none for her. Lance asked her about it and she said it was because she wasn’t hungry.

Lance nodded, getting up on his stool and grabbing the hands of Keith and Victoria. Papá was the one who always said grace. He always spoke in Spanish for grace, so Keith didn’t understand, but he still sat in the circle. Lance tried to translate it for him after they said Amén.

“He said ‘Dear Jesus, thank you feeding us. We are grateful to you. We pray that we will be forgiven as we eat your offerings.’” Lance said. Keith would always laugh when Lance added the ‘I think’. He’d call him stupid, even if he didn’t mean it. Then, they would go silent as they ate as much as they could. Everyone said it was because they were growing boys, but Lance thinks it’s because he had a black pit of a stomach. He could eat and eat and never get tired of it.

“I didn’t know Shiro had a girlfriend.” Lance said once they were outside after dinner. The were sitting on the sidewalk outside of the house. The ground was hot from being under the blazing sun all day, but they didn’t mind.

“Yeah, they started just before Shiro got drafted. She was so sad. She was cryin’ and tellin’ him how she didn’t want him to go.” Keith said. “Her name’s Allura.”

“What’s she like?”

“She’s a dark girl. She has really light hair, too. She said she did her hair so that she could be different, but I think she looks a lot like Marilyn Monroe. She has blue eyes like you do.” Keith replied. “She’s really nice and helps me with my homework. She acts like she’s in the family already, but I’m okay with that.”

“She sounds nice. Can I come over sometime and meet her?” Lance asked. Keith shrugged.

“Maybe when Shiro gets back from the army. We wouldn’t be able to play if you came over now.” He said.

“It sounds like you’re always doing work.”

“Well, Aunt Aya has a lot of chickens, okay? It’s my job to get all the eggs and then feed them.” Keith argued.

“Boys, come inside, it’s getting late.” Mamá called. The two got up and went inside without complaints. The ones that liked to cause trouble were starting to show up on the streets. Lance has never had a face to face encounter with these people, but he heard that they were horrible and would beat people up just because they look a certain way.

And, that night, Lance learned the word ‘racism’. Keith said Allura had explained it to him.

“It means that someone doesn’t like you because you’re from a certain place. So, some people don’t like her because she’s black, people don’t like me because I’m Asian and people don’t like you because you’re Spanish.” He said.

“I’m actually Cuban.” Lance pointed out matter-of-factly. “But I know what you mean. Why do you think people do that?”

“I don’t know. When I asked Aunt Aya, she said it was because they weren’t too smart. That or they’re afraid of things that are different.” Keith replied.

“I think it’s because they’re stupid. If people that are different weren’t supposed to exist, then why do they? That’s like saying a penguin shouldn’t exist because it can’t fly.” Lance muttered.

“That’s a weird way to say it, but I guess you’re right.” Keith laughed. He was spread out across the expanse of the lower half of Lance’s bed. When Anton moved out, he had been excited to have a place for Keith to sleep instead of on the floor, but that wasn’t the case. Anton took his bed with him. Lance started to feel bad about Keith sleeping on the floor, so they’d both squish up on Lance’s twin sized bed. They’d wake up in a sore pile, but it was okay. They’d been in worse shape.

Sometime in the night, they went to bed. They didn’t have anything to talk about and they were tired. Lance had kind of wished Keith would have stayed up longer. Keith would have to leave in the morning and he wouldn’t be able to hear from him until school on Monday. That was a whole two days with no one to talk to! Camilla was too worried about her girl problems, Axel had baseball and Victoria didn’t share any hobbies with Lance. He knew he’d hear Camilla complain when she had to babysit all of the younger ones.

He knew Keith was asleep when the other boy was turned away, breathing evenly. Axel was on the other side of the room, in the same state of sleep. Lance was the only one up. The sounds of quiet, only filled with breathing and the sounds of cars rushing by outside, always made him wonder things he wouldn’t otherwise think about.

Lance wondered who watched Keith now that Shiro was off to war. Allura might be there, but he had mentioned that she was going to hair stylist school. Aunt Aya had to have a job outside of her chickens. She’d need something to get money from in order to feed her chickens, and Keith and Allura and herself. That would cost a lot of money. Lance knew his family struggled with money, and he already had plenty of siblings. It wasn’t a sad affair when a family member moved out or went off to war. The last one to be sent off was Lance’s uncle, Estevan. Anton was kept out for a reason Lance didn’t know, but something like ‘epilepsy’ mentioned the last time Anton had been over. His parents did get upset at that, but Lance has a feeling that part of it had to do with the fact that Anton may become invalid and need to be taken care of again. That would add more cost to the bills that already piled up on the kitchen counter.

  
Lance couldn’t help but hope Anton didn’t become an invalid relative.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, it's me. I'm back sooner than I thought I would be, but it's because I already had this chapter done long before now. Anyways, Keith's sexual abuse situation is very important to this story. It plays a large part in who he is now and who he will become. I'm hoping it wasn't described in any way that would sound like it was romanticisation or anything of the like. I hope it was still respectful, however.
> 
> Ok, so an 'invalid relative' is a mentally or physically disabled family member. That's what they were called during this point in time until it was seen as disrespectful. Care for these people was a way to get out of the military,a dn having them almost definitely kept you out. That's an important fact that I took the time to research like a good author. This, of course, is an outdated term. Don't use it or you will be punched, most likely.
> 
> Also, the 'make me a bird' thing is a reference to one of my favourite movies, Forrest Gump. If you somehow haven't seen it yet, you should watch it immediately, it's amazing. 10000000/10 would recommend.
> 
> Anyways, thanks for reading! I always love to get feedback from you <3
> 
> -MidnightQuestant


	3. III

**June 1985**

“Shiro was gone for two and a half years before he came back. It was a pretty dark time for Keith. He started getting angry and fighting more. He started becoming very, very different for a while.” Lance sighed a little before continuing. “If I’m honest, it was the scariest he’s ever been up until. . .you know.”

“Did something happen to his cousin?”

“Hold on, I’m getting there.”

∰∰∰

**February 1961**

Keith wasn’t at school, which was weird. That’s what set the whole of the following week off. Lance had heard stories of the draft coming home. They were coming to see their families.

That meant the injured and the dead were either coming back, or being announced. Lance saw a family at one house sobbing, two soldiers dressed very nicely standing in front of them. Lance got the idea that he shouldn’t be there, and starting biking past. He sped home.

He didn’t say anything to his family, but no one said anything to him, either. He did his homework without being told, then he went straight upstairs. He didn’t eat dinner until Mamá came upstairs with a bowl and made him eat.

“Just because Axel and Victoria aren’t home doesn’t mean I’m letting you skip dinner.” She said as she gave Lance the bowl and waited until every morsel was gone.

“Sorry Mamá. I’ve just been kind of worried. Keith wasn’t at school today. The last time he missed school, he was really sick with the flu. Do you think he’s really sick?” Lance mumbled.

“I don’t think he is, Lance. It’s not flu season.” Mamá replied, rubbing Lance’s back.

“But Anton got sick and it wasn’t a sick season.” Lance argued. His mother suddenly looked very upset with him.

“Anton isn’t sick, he’s just different.”

“But he is, you said so. You said that you were scared that you might have to take care of him again just last week when he went to the hospital for falling down the stairs.” Lance argued.

“You need to stop listening in on conversations. I’m getting very tired of it, Lance.” Mamá was starting to turn pink in her face. Lance looked at her. He stared at her gaunt cheeks and her tired eyes.

“Well, I think I have a right to know. Anton is my brother. I bet Camilla and Hector know.” He grumbled.

“They’re older, Lance. They all understand.” Mamá made an exasperated noise after she spoke.

“Maybe I’d understand if you told me about anything. I never know what’s going on. I’m already eleven, Mamá. I’m not a baby anymore!” Lance retorted. Mamá got up, crossing her arms over her skinny chest.

“Lance Fidel Ortiz, you will not speak to me in such a way.You know how hard I try to keep you happy, and sometimes telling you certain things makes that difficult to do. That’s why I am sheltering you for now. I do it because I love you.” Mamá chastised. Lance suddenly realised how much trouble he was actually in. The guilt set in almost immediately. He always managed to make people mad at him in only a few sentences. He hated that part of himself, but it was almost like he could never control it.

“I’m sorry Mamá.” Lance mumbled. He was earnest about it.

“As you should be. Now, go to bed.” Mamá replied. Lance nodded, and covered himself entirely with his covers, waiting until he heard the click of his bedroom door. He felt like he could cry, he was so mad at himself. He made Mamá so upset. It was all his fault.

A sharp knocking is what got Lance’s attention. Lance shuffled out of his covers, ready to snap any branch that started knocking at his window, but he almost screamed when he saw a face. The only thing that kept him from screaming for his parents was the fact that it was Keith’s face. He opened the window and allowed Keith to crawl in before shutting it behind him.

“What are you doing here?” Lance asked.

“I just needed somewhere to go. My house is real crazy right now.” Keith said quietly.

“What’s crazy about it? Did you get some weird mutated chicken? Remember what we said; if something wasn’t meant to be different, it wouldn’t exist at all.” Lance smiled. Keith made a small laugh at that, but it quickly went silent.

“No, I’d much rather have a mutated chicken.” He sighed heavily. “It’s Shiro. He came back.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Lance was beyond confused. Why was Shiro coming home a bad thing?

“Well, it is, but he’s only got one arm now. That and he’s been actin’ all strange. He screams at night and it takes me, Allura and Aunt Aya to calm him down. I’ve been takin’ care of him all day while Aunt Aya and Allura were at work.” Keith said.

“Why does he scream at night?”

“I don’t know, and that’s why it’s so scary. I don’t want Shiro to be scared. He’s like my big brother more than he is my cousin. Imagine if you woke up to the sound of Hector screechin’ like a banshee and not knowin’ why he did it!” Keith raised his arms above his head for emphasis before bringing them back down with a sad expression. “I just want Shiro to stop bein’ scared.”

Keith looked like he was about to cry, so Lance did the only thing he knew to do; he reached over and pulled Keith into a hug. The boy began to sob silently. His shoulders shook and Lance could feel the tears soaking his shirt, but the didn’t try to move. He just let Keith sob.

Keith didn’t leave Lance’s shoulder for a long time. He moved his arms to grab at Lance’s shirt and hold it tightly. When he finally did let go, his face was red and his eyes were puffy. He wiped at his cheeks with his sleeve and let out a loud puff of air.

“I have to get home. Aunt Aya’ll find out I left if I don’t head back now.” Keith mumbled.

“Okay.” Lance said. “Will you be at school tomorrow?”

“Probably. Aunt Aya might call over Mr. Abraham to take care of him. He’s a doctor.” Keith sniffled a little.

“Alright. Goodnight, I hope Shiro gets better.” Lance called as Keith crawled out of the window. Keith waved before picking up his bike and pedalling off towards the western side of the city.

And, just like he said, Keith was at school the next day. He had a black eye, but didn’t seem that upset.

“What happened to your eye?” Lance asked while they walked into the building.

“Shiro accidentally hit me with a pan. He didn’t do it on purpose, so don’t start gettin’ all worried. I was the one who scared him when I walked in last night.” Keith replied.

“Is it really that bad with Shiro?” Lance muttered. Keith nodded.

“Hopefully, while he’s taking care of him, Mr. Abraham can figure out why he’s actin’ the way he is.” He said. Then, he didn’t say anything else until it was recess. They still shared a desk, and usually they were chattering constantly, but today Keith was silent, so Lance was the same.

At recess is where it all went downhill. There were usual kids (minus Adrien, who had moved away sometime in third grade) who would cause them problems, and usually they would be ignored. But not today.

“Stop talking!” Keith yelled. The other kid, Marcus, got close to him, so close their bodies were a millimetre from touching.

“You don’t tell me what to do. My dad said that he fought your kind way back. He said that you were all crazy and savage, like a pack of wild dogs.” Marcus leered.

“What do you mean by ‘my kind’, hm?” Keith jeered back. This was a recipe for disaster, but Lance couldn’t seem to find the courage to stop Keith. Marcus deserved whatever was coming to him. He would only stop it if Keith was the one getting hurt.

“I mean the Gooks.” Marcus spat in Keith’s face. Keith let out an furious noise before swinging his fist at Marcus. It hit the other boy square in the jaw, but it wasn’t long before he recovered and brought a fist to collide with Keith’s face. Keith fell, but before Marcus could land another punch, Keith kicked him in the stomach, buying himself some time to get up. His nose was bleeding just a little, but Lance could take the hint not to get involved when Keith gave him a short but fierce glare.

Marcus shot out an expletive before he tackled Keith and dragged him to the ground. They rolled around in an all-out brawl for close to half and hour before Marcus’ friends starting realising that their friend was losing. He was getting fist after fist to the face and it took four people and a kick to the gut to get Keith off of the other boy.

Lance went over to Keith, pulling him up from the ground as two new boys loomed over them.  Keith had blood dribbling down his face now, but that didn’t stop him from spitting at the boys. Lance dragged his friend off before he could do anymore damage.

“What were you thinking?!” Lance yelled at him. “There’s one of you and fifteen of them.”

“So? I’m not gonna to lie down and let ‘em walk all over me like that.” Keith grumbled. “If that’s what you wanna do, so be it, but it’s not what I want.”

And, with that, Keith got up and walked away, still wiping at his nose with his sleeve. Lance had never felt like a worse friend. He had basically antagonised Keith, made him seem like the bad guy in that situation when they both knew that wasn’t true. They didn’t talk for the rest of the day.

Keith was very intent on ignoring him, despite crying on Lance’s shoulder the night before. Lance figured his mood may have something to do with Shiro, but that didn’t make him feel any better about it. It actually made him sick. He had made two people mad at him in a matter of two days. It was a new record.

Keith didn’t walk home with him that day. Instead, he got on his bike and took off before Lance had even left. He didn’t call after the other, but he watched at the boy sped off, a streak of white button-up and red bike.

Lance walked home, wishing he had a bike. He wouldn’t complain for one, not after the way he treated Mamá the night before, but he still wanted one. He wondered what it was like. After all, he had yet to learn how to ride one. But, once he did, he was sure it would take him a million places. Maybe he would be able to get to the ice-cream vendor’s stall before he was all out or maybe he could get to the library before it closed.

He decided that’s what he would save for until he could afford one. He didn’t have an allowance, but he constantly found dropped change on the streets and the boardwalk next to the pier. Maybe he would be able to sell some of his old, and frankly, very bad model planes if he fixed them up a bit. Of course, he would never sell his model of the Azul Cielo, but he had models of other planes he had seen like a model of a Cessna O-1 Bird Dog. He had made that one when he was barely six, and in the condition it was in now, he would be glad to get rid of it. He was sure some little kid on the corner would love it.

When Lance got home, he found that no one was there. Mamá and Papá were likely at work, so Axel and Victoria probably wouldn’t be there. They were still too young to walk home alone, but it wouldn’t be long before they did. For now, they were picked up by Papá and brought home or to whatever practises they had.

Lance took it as an opportunity to go up to his room, pick out his least favourite models, get the paint out and fix them up. He was going to get that bike, and he would make sure it was a blue one, and he was going to do it on his own terms.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have returned! Shiro did not mean to hit Keith, I promise you. He just has a few issues going on in his head for the time being. He honestly loves Keith so much and would never hurt him on purpose, especially since he's completely aware of what Keith had to go through and doesn't want him hurt anymore. They have a very good relationship.
> 
> And yes, Keith has a fight. He actually has a few in this story. He;s still as hot headed as ever.
> 
> Oh, also, my tumblr is metalpole if you ever want to talk to me there <3
> 
> There's not much else to say. Thanks for reading!
> 
> -MidnightQuestant


	4. IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (There are controversial topics in this chapter, so if you think I should add a warning, please tell me. Until then, there will not be any)

**June 1985**

“So, Mr. Abraham finds out that Shiro has PTSD from the war. He wasn’t ever going back there. Luckily, after that one incident with the pan, Shiro made serious attempts to get better and never hit Keith again. He felt awful about it.” Lance explained. “And Keith and I stopped being mad at each other. Even though it felt like we were going to fall apart at the time, Keith and I never stopped being friends and stayed that way all the way up until high school.”

“Did anything happen in high school that may have led to his suicide.” The lady said. She was probably getting tired of Lance telling his life story, but everything he was saying tied to Keith somehow, so she’d just have to bear with him. It made it easier to talk about after all.

“Maybe. A lot of shit happened to the both of us during high school.” Lance muttered.

 

∰∰∰

  

**December 1967**

In the beginning, high school is a teenager’s dream. It’s got football games, pretty girls, the newfound freedoms and whatever else it decides to throw at you. The thing is, it doesn’t always stay that way. Lance had to learn this the hard way when Hector died.

He was still out in the war by that time. He was flying his plane when he was struck by enemy fire. He went down in the Azul Cielo, a massive plume of smoke following him. It was a big fire of showy fanfare.

Lance went straight upstairs when he heard the news, ripping down every model plane he could get his hands down. Many splintered under his grasp and he only stopped his pathetic rampage when he came across his small copy of the Azul Cielo. Lance took it off of the wire and stared at it. He imagined a small little Hector there, all curly hair and smiles. He was always there for Lance, and now he was gone. He sank to the ground and started crying. He was so mad at himself for it. He should be better than this by now. He was already sixteen and he still cried like a kid.

He looked over the mess of wood and plastic all over the floor. He felt a string in his heart get pulled as he started picking it all up. He got a few splinters, but he didn’t mind in the slightest. Nothing hurt more than his heart right then. A few splinters in his thumb were nothing compared to what he was feeling then.

“Lance, are you alright?” A small voice mumbled through a thin door. Right, his family could easily hear his rampage. The doors were practically made of paper. Lance went to open the door, revealing Victoria. He sighed, kneeling down to her height.

“Yeah, I think I’m fine. I’m just sad about Hector.” Lance answered. Victoria didn’t need to be subject to his rage. She did nothing wrong.

“Me too. Mamá and Papá are sad, too. I think everyone is.” She said. That did smack Lance back into reality for a little while. Everyone else was hurting, too. Lance grabbed Victoria and hugged her close. She hugged back, but was obviously confused by her brother’s sudden showcase of affection.

“I’m going to go out for a bit. I’ll be back by midnight.” Lance said, heading down the stairs. Victoria had a bemused expression, but she nodded and went to go tell their parents what Lance was doing.

Lance walked down a couple of blocks, picking the splinters out of his thumbs. He was hoping he’d be able to find his friends roaming around. They always did that on Friday nights, and he usually went with them, but he was told to come home that day, where he was told the news. The usual place was a cheap diner in the corner of the south side, where Lance lived, so it would be close. There, they could talk without anyone who knew them bothering to be there.

Lo and behold, his friends were there. Lance saw them through the window and he walked right in and sat himself down right in the empty spot next to one of them.

“Lance, are you okay?” Keith asked. Lance just shrugged. The friend he was sitting next to, Katie, but she liked to be called Pidge, tried to get a good look at his face while the other one, Hiu, who liked to be called Hunk, looked at him with a worried expression.

“You look like you’ve been crying, Lance. What’s wrong?” Pidge said. Lance shifted in his seat, wishing for this conversation to go away, but he knew his friends just wanted to make sure he was okay. He took a deep breath and went for it.

“Hector’s dead.” He said quickly. They all reacted a little differently. Keith leaned back, darting his eyes around, Pidge pursed her lips and Hunk went to rest a hand on his back. Lance shook the hand off, not wanting to be touched. No one, thankfully, said ‘I’m sorry’. He couldn’t stand that phrase anymore. They knew him, and they knew his connection with Hector. They knew an apology wouldn’t make him feel better.

They ordered something for him, and he just stared at it. He was far from famished. The last thing he wanted to do was put food in his stupid face. He picked at the splinters in his thumbs again, trying to get out a particularly difficult one in his hands.

“Come on, Lance. I paid money for that, and you know how well my job pays.” Keith grumbled. He was acting normal, which helped a little. Lance took pity on Keith and tried to eat.

“Share with me.” Lance said. Hunk gladly took some of the food from Lance’s plate. Pidge joined in not long after.

“What’s wrong with you hands?” Pidge asked, trying to pull a napkin from the dispenser, but it took forever to budge.

“I, uh, had a tantrum and ripped all my planes down. They were wooden and well. . .,” Lance mumbled, sighing heavily. Pidge screwed up her face a little. She knew how much those little models meant to me. Ripping them down took a lot of emotional pain. It was emotional pain he certainly had.

No one mentioned Hector for the rest of the night, which Lance was grateful for. He didn’t want to be reminded of what had happened and he certainly didn’t want to think of the view everyone on the battlefield must have had when the plane, the ‘lucky’ plane Hector had named based on Lance’s request, crashed down with its pilot still inside, probably praying to God as the deity turned His cheek.

Instead, they spoke how they usually would. They spoke about work at school, the teachers, the people. It was almost normal except for the awkward air that hung around the group thanks to Lance’s hefty confession.

When it was time to leave, the entire group went to Keith’s car. He was the only one that knew how to drive and had a car at the same time. He had a 58 Mercury Comet that he took impeccably good care of. He had named her Red and it was almost like the car was possessed. She only let Keith drive her. She’d break down in huffs of exhaust if anyone else was behind the wheel.

When Pidge was dropped off, they immediately saw her mother worry over her, then glare in the direction of the car, which was full of teenage boys. They knew Pidge’s mother meant no harm, and they’d even talked to Mrs. Holt occasionally, but it was funny to see her reactions when Pidge came home late on Fridays, exiting a cherry red Mercury.

Hunk was the next, and dropping him off was pretty uneventful. His entire family had already gone to sleep without him. Hunk said it was probably because of how tiring it probably got to take care of his younger sisters, twins named Lea and Mikana, all day. He just accepted it, pulling his key from his pocket and walking in.

Lance found it a bit strange that, despite living the closest, he was dropped off last. Yeah, he and Keith were best friends, but Keith was a straightforward and get-it-done type of person. He would do the easiest things first. But, there lance was, alone in Keith’s stupid gas-guzzler.

Lance looked over at Keith as they began pulling down the blocks leading to his house. He saw thought covering Keith’s features; his brows were knit together, his mouth was all screwed up and looked forward. He was also sighing deeply, like there was something he needed to say.

“Keith, are you good? You look a little weird.” Lance asked. Keith shrugged.

“It’s nothin’.” He stated simply. Lance knew that wasn’t true, simply by the appearance Keith had.

“It isn’t ‘nothing’. Tell me what’s going on. I told you, now you tell me.” Lance argued.

“Really, you have bigger things to worry about, trust me.” Keith nearly spat. Lance knew he was referring to Hector. Yeah, he was beyond upset and he wanted to curse whatever cost his brother his life to Hell and beyond, but that didn’t mean Keith’s worries weren’t important to him.

“Keith, I know I’ve got some stuff going on in my life, but by the looks of it, you do too. I’m your best friend. Just tell me what’s making you so worried.” Lance pressed. Keith sighed in defeat, pulling the car over to empty lot on the side of the road. The car turned off and Lance felt an awkward air fill the vehicle.

Keith fiddled with his keys for a moment, twisting the metal in his hands before putting them in his lap. He heaved a big sigh before turning to Lance. There was an emotion in his eyes that Lance found hard to name.

“Do you think God makes mistakes?”

That question gave Lance a slap in the face. He was always told that God didn’t make mistakes and that everything in life was part of His plans. By the way Keith said it, it sounded like he didn’t believe that anymore. As he thought about it, Lance found that he wasn’t sure if he believed it either.

“I’m not sure. Why?” Lance answered finally. Keith ran a hand through his too-long hair. At the very least it had been trimmed back to his neck a year ago, causing it to stay at his shoulders.

“I’ve been thinkin’ about lately, and maybe He does.” Keith grumbled. He leaned forward, pressing his head against the steering wheel. Lance felt his stomach twist as he looked at the state of his best friend. Keith never acted like that. “It’s that or I’m more confused than I’ve ever been.”

“What do you mean you’re confused?” Lance asked, trying to put a hand on Keith’s shoulder. Keith just shook him off, starting the car up without a word. He drove off down the last few blocks, stopping in front of Lance’s house.

“It doesn’t matter. Just go home. I’m sure you’re parents are wonderin’ where you are. I shouldn’t hold you up more.” Keith said. Lance reluctantly got out of the car, walking around towards his house. As soon as Lance was on the sidewalk, Keith drove away, not even waving back at Lance like he usually did.

Lance wasn’t stupid and he knew what Keith meant when he said he may have been confused, but Lance didn’t want to believe it. If Keith was one of them, he’d lose close to a million possibilities in his life. The army wouldn’t draft him if they knew and jobs would avoid him. Lance didn’t want his best friend to deal with that.

As soon as Lance walked in, he was met with the angered, yet sorrowful face of his mother. She took no time in yelling at him.

“Where were you? We just lost your older brother, and you’re running off to leave the rest of us to grieve?” She screamed. Lance flinched, realising he’d made them upset. He’d been making a lot of people upset recently. He promises he never means to. Still, Lance felt something pull at him, urging him to fight back.

“I’m upset, too! Don’t yell at me for wanting to be away from this house for a while!” He yelled back. “Maybe I wanted to talk to people who don’t berate me for every little thing I do.”

He didn’t have time to react before his father hand slapped across his cheek like a whip. Lance stumbled back, shocked by the slap, holding his cheek. He could feel it pulsing angrily. He knew there was a mark shaped like his father’s hand.

“Do not talk to your mother like that. Do you understand me?” His father hissed, glaring daggers into Lance’s eyes. Lance could almost feel the blades cutting up his retinas.

“Si.” He spat, maneuvering around his father and running up the stairs. He ignored Axel’s confused look as he walked in and wrapped himself up in his bed covers, not even bothering to change for bed. In a matter of hours, he’d made his mother, Keith and his father upset and confused Axel and probably Victoria as well. He was the worst, wasn’t he?

He had never hated himself so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! I'm back with more depressing escapades in Keith and Lance's lives. That's literally the entire story.
> 
> Anyways, there isn't a whole lot to say other than wow this took a long time to post and that I may not be uploading for a while again since I'm going on a trip abroad to see family.
> 
> Thanks for reading and feedback is always appreciated!
> 
> -MidnightQuestant


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